(Copyright Bonnie Schiedel. Originally published in Today’s Parent, February 2011). 

An inside look at your child’s dreams

It's early evening at the Lehman* house, and the Toronto family is winding down. Mom Debra is checking that seven-year-old Donald has her old tank top to sleep with, a comfort item she gave him two years ago when he started having the occasional scary dream. Meanwhile, Joshua, age four, is asking his dad Allan if he remembers the time the family went to India and a monkey started licking his face. Allan doesn't remember this - the family's never been to India - and realizes it must be one of Joshua's vivid dreams.

Dreams are often a big deal in family life, whether you're comforting a freaked-out child after a nightmare (and sleepily wondering if what you're saying is actually helping), talking about bizarre dreams at the breakfast table, or worrying that your child's frequent bad dreams could be a sign of something more serious. Read on to find out what you need to know about your child's dreams.

*(name changed to protect privacy)

What influences kids' dreams?

Smells A recent German study found that smelling rotten eggs while you sleep triggers bad dreams, and the scent of roses leads to good one (perhaps that will convince your tween to get rid of the festering cereal dishes in his room!)

Screen time Avoiding disturbing TV and computer games is a good policy - not surprisingly, the more traumatic images a person views during the day, the more likely they are to show up, directly or indirectly, in dreams, according to research conducted after the 9/11 attacks. (To learn an easy technique to help your child have fewer nightmares, read the Bad Dreams, Begone sidebar below)

Temperament In a study of nearly a thousand kids conducted by University of Montreal researchers, children described by a parent as "anxious" or having a "difficult temperament" before the age of two were more likely to have nightmares after age two.

Why do kids dream?

The purpose of dreams is hotly debated among researchers, but there are two common theories, for both kids and adults:

To learn Those in favour of the learning theory argue that dreams are involved in helping memories move from the area of the brain that stores short-term memories to the areas that hold long-term memories. For example, a 2010 Harvard Medical School study found that people who learned a task (making their way through a 3D computer maze), then took a nap and dreamed about the maze, performed better when they tried the maze again, compared to people to who didn't nap, or who didn't dream of the maze during the nap. The researchers theorize that the dreams are a sign that the brain is working on a problem at many different levels.

To deal with life and emotions Proponents of the emotions theory point out that both good and bad dreams tend to have a negative component to them - even in non-scary dreams, there is usually something weird or unsettling going on. They speculate that the brain deals with negative emotions by putting them in a different context in dreams. This means those negative emotions are diffused, so the brain doesn't become overwhelmed. "Children tend to have more bad dreams and nightmares in stressful times in their lives. This suggests that dreams may indeed serve to process the emotions of the day," says Simard.

Both camps may be right: research shows that during the period of sleep where most dreams happen, the areas of the brain that deal with both memory and emotion show spikes of activity.

Do dreams mean anything?

Interpreting dreams for both adults and children is definitely not an exact science, and chances are that dream dictionary you picked up at the used book sale is only for fun. Younger kids tend to dream a lot about animals, and have nightmares about imaginary creatures and animals. "This [tendency] hasn't been explained so far, but children have a natural tendency to identify with animals, as we see in cartoons and books," says Simard.

Kids age eight and up are more likely to dream about being lost or kidnapped, which may be related to their growing independence, she says. Dreams about not being prepared for a test also crop up in this age group.

Dreams by the ages

Babies While infants obviously can't tell us if they're dreaming, research shows that they spend half of their snooze time in the sleep phase where dreams most often take place, suggesting that babies likely do dream.

6 and under

Before age five, dream recall is quite poor; there aren't a lot of details and the child usually watches the dream unfold, rather than participating in it. "We don't know if young children are unaware of their dreams or simply don't have the verbal abilities to describe them," says Valérie Simard, a professor of psychology at the Université de Sherbrooke in Quebec, who specializes in children's dream research. "However, children ages three to six may start to develop intense nightmares, and they are usually able to recount them if guided by a parent."

7 to 12

Dream recall starts to increase between ages five and seven, and after age seven becomes quite frequent, as verbal skills develop along with a child's ability to visualize in 3D and imagine themselves moving. They are participants in the dream, not just observers. "The next change in dream recall frequency occurs during adolescence, where it is thought to become more frequent in girls and less frequent in boys," she adds, although it's not known why.

chart: Decoding the scaries

Issue Nightmare

Characteristics Child wakes up suddenly and is alert and scared. Can describe the dream and needs to be comforted. Takes a little while to return to sleep. Clearly remembers event in the morning. (A nightmare is a scary dream that wakes you up. A bad dream is a scary dream that doesn't wake you up.)

Most common ages 6-10

When it usually happens last half of night

Who it affects Almost all kids

What to do Reassure your child by saying you're there and that she had a bad dream (very young kids may not know the difference between dreams and reality) but it's over now and everything's ok. Tell her it's normal to be scared by a scary dream. Comfort her with a cuddle, quiet song or rhyme, a lovey like a blanky or stuffed animal, or give her a kiss to keep in the palm of her hand.

Issue Confusional arousal

Characteristics Child sits up or thrashes around and is agitated and confused, but not scared. May stare straight ahead, cry or use confused speech, and resists being comforted. Goes back to quiet sleep within five to 15 minutes (but can be up to 40 minutes) and likely does not remember in the morning.

Most common ages under 5

Who it affects less than 20 per cent of kids

When it usually happens first half of night

What to do Sit quietly with your child but don't attempt to wake, hug or talk to him because trying to comfort him usually increases the agitation.

Issue Night terror

Characteristics Child sits up and is scared and confused. May be crying, screaming, shaking and sweating. Is unresponsive to parents and resists comforting. Goes back to quiet sleep rapidly and does not remember in the morning.

Most common ages 4 to 12

Who it affects less than 10 per cent of kids

When it usually happens first half of night

What to do Sit quietly with your child and don't attempt to comfort her (yes, this is hard!) because she isn't really awake. Cuddling would likely wake her up and confuse her further. Simard says it's okay to offer reassurance in a soft voice.

Bad dreams, begone!

Georgeanne Clarkson, a mom of two in Burlington, Ont., helps her nine-year-old son Ben deal with his occasional scary dreams with a visualization technique. "In his dreams, Ben's often in peril with the characters from Star Wars. The day after a scary dream, we sit with him at bedtime and ask him to picture himself with whoever or whatever was in his dream, doing something funny or happy. His dreams usually turn around and we talk about it the next morning." Clarkson's instincts are right on: this pre-sleep imagining, known as "imagery rehearsal therapy" or IRT to sleep experts, has been shown in studies to decrease nightmare frequency and/or severity. Drawing a different ending for the dream could help too. For example, in one study, a child who had nightmares about being kidnapped from his bedroom drew pictures of himself in bed, using a remote control to make the kidnapper do what he wanted. Why does IRT work? It's thought that by both acknowledging the nightmare by talking about it, and using their imaginations to change the outcome, kids feel like they are more in control, which reduces anxiety.

Do you need to worry about nightmares?

Most of the time, nightmares are unpleasant but normal. "Nightmares become a problem when a child's sleep is disturbed to the point where he is not able to function well during the day, often because he's afraid of falling asleep," says Valérie Simard, a professor of psychology at Université de Sherbrooke in Quebec, who studies children's dreams. "In this case, parents should talk to a doctor or counselor."