© Bonnie Schiedel. Originally published in Chatelaine, September 2005)

Pam Jesson knows she’s at her happy weight because she can smile when she’s stark naked and looking in a mirror. (Really!) "You know what? I am content with what I see. I have tummy fat and a saggy butt, but my body is real, and I like it,"she says. "I am comfortable in my skin, like I’m comfortable in my life."And, says Jesson, who is an administrative assistant in Calgary, she’s healthy too. "I feel so good, mentally and physically."
So, are you at your happy weight?

First off, let's be clear that "happy weight" isn't a sugar-coated euphemism for giving up and reaching for the stretchy pants. Rather, you're taking a different path, notes Tauri Hall, a Kanata, Ont. counsellor who specializes in body image issues. "You're actively making a choice to change how you think about yourself." A happy weight is one that strikes a balance: you know you are healthy (and your doctor agrees) and you feel just plain great. You're there when you stop beating yourself up hoping to reach some perfect number on the scale or on a clothing label. You are, simply, at peace with your body, and your body is at peace with you. Doesn't that sound good?
Find out how close you are to reaching your happy weight with our quiz, and read on to find that happy place!

1. I feel like I have enough energy to get through the day
a) most of the time
b) less than half of the time
c) rarely

2. I eat
a) a wide variety of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, healthy fats like olive oil, and lower-fat dairy (plus an occasional luscious slice of chocolate cake)
b) a pretty even mix of healthy stuff and junk food
c) the same thing day after day, either because I can't live without my treats, or because I know the exact number of calories in it

3. What's the answer that sounds most like you: I lost 10 pounds
a) because I just didn't feel like myself at that heavier weight
b) because everything in my life would be better if I did
c) and then gained it back, then lost it again, then gained it back...

4. If I'm a few pounds over my usual weight, I
a) feel not at all worried, because I know I will lose it again if I want to
b) feel a bit anxious and resolve to keep an eye on things
c) feel absolutely miserable

5. I weigh myself
a) once in a while
b) once a month
c) every day (because I need to know) or never (because I can't bear to know)

6. My body mass index (BMI) is
a) between 18.5 and 24.9
b) between 25 and 29.9
c) under 18.5, or over 30
To calculate your BMI, visit www.chatelaine.com and click on "health and fitness" then "BMI calculator."

7. My waist size (below my rib cage but above my belly button) measures
a) less than 35 inches (88 cm) around
b) pretty darn close to 35 inches (88 cm) around
c) more than 35 inches (88 cm) around

8. After a medical check-up, my doctor tells me:
a) to keep up the great work and that my bod looks good inside and out
b) that I'm doing ok, but a few improvements in my diet and activity levels are in order
c) that she's concerned that my weight is contributing to long-term health problems

Answer key
Mostly As: Congrats! You're at your happy weight!
Sounds like your food and exercise choices are on track. You've got just the right outlook that's making you both content and healthy.
Feeling vital and energized and eating a wide variety of nutritious foods are two good signs that you have a healthy attitude towards food and eating, says Jacqui Gingras, a Vancouver registered dietitian, who specializes in dealing with food and emotions. Keep up the good work.

Mostly Bs: Be positive - you're almost there
You do occasionally feel bummed about your thighs, or tummy, or arms.... But the good news is you know you need to take it easy on yourself, and you strive to keep up a positive outlook.
Remember to celebrate the good choices you make. And decide to face up to issues that are keeping you from being the healthiest, happiest person you could be. Those issues aren't always easily solved, as Gingras points out. "Women are smart," she says. "We're told at every turn that our worth is determined by how we look, so of course we focus on our bodies." Hall agrees, adding that self-esteem also plays a role. "When you're getting filled up from the outside--from the media, from what your parents told you as a kid--your self esteem suffers," she says. That leaves you more vulnerable to an unhealthy relationship with food, such as emotional eating. "So often, we go through life with blinders. You need to stop throughout the day and ask yourself how you are feeling and why. Be aware."
Read "Six happy-weight strategies" for more tips.

Mostly Cs: Your happy weight eludes you--but don't give up!
You're a slave to the scale, and that's usually a signal to rethink your attitude. "Dedicating so much time and energy to a specific weight goal takes away from things that are fulfilling and life-affirming and fun," says Gingras.
Start by taking care of yourself: get enough sleep, do something fun, deal with stress by talking to a friend or writing in a journal. Learn to set boundaries and express your feelings and needs, rather than cramming them in the "deal with later" box. "When you feel good inside, then you'll be more likely to treat yourself better and make healthy choices about food and exercise," says Hall.
Talk to your loved ones and your health care provider to make sure you receive the support you need to get the emotional and physical parts of your life in balance. "If you've been struggling with weight for a long, long time, you need to look at what's really going on," adds Hall.

Six happy-weight strategies

Don't give the scale power Pam Jesson lost 45 pounds after surgery to correct damage from gastric reflux disease last year. "When I first started to lose the weight, I was obsessive about weighing myself," she remembers. "But then I realized the number on the scale doesn't reflect your life. It's just a number." Instead, Jesson decided to look at how she felt and what she could do at her new weight. "I bike and hike because I love being fit and healthy, not because I want to be a size 2." There have been other payoffs too. "I feel like I belong now, because I can keep up with friends who want to go for a day hike or bowling or whatever. I have more energy, for both work and sex! Feeling this way makes the number on the scale irrelevant."

Think outside yourself "It's crucial to expand your sense of who you are beyond your body," says Gingras. Volunteer, meditate, do something creative. That makes sense to Jesson, who performs in a barbershop quartet called the Sweet Adelines. "I love to sing, and it's wonderful getting positive feedback about something that has nothing to do with how I look," she says.

Get a new inner voice You know those comments you make to yourself when you're reaching into the freezer for the ice cream? Gingras asked a client who struggled with her weight to actually say them out loud. "It turns out that this woman had a very aggressive, hectoring way of speaking to herself: 'You shouldn't eat that. Do you need to eat that?'" she says. "Once she became more conscious of how mean she was being, she had this eureka moment. That little inner voice began to speak kindly, and it was easier for her to choose healthful foods, rather than just depriving herself."

Shift your focus Dryden, Ont., resident Val Gamble's weight is the same now as it was years ago, but her outlook isn't. "I've been at this weight before, and I wasn't happy with it," says the community programs assistant. "I felt I wasn't measuring up; that there was always someone else who was slimmer and better." What made the difference? Val attributes part of it to the wisdom that comes when you hit your forties. A couple years ago, she started to view herself through the loving eyes of her friends and family. "I've come to see the person they see, which has nothing to do with my weight or a bad hair day!" Learning to measure her success by health and strength was key too. "My happy weight means I feel like I can do anything I want to do, from walking a 18-hole golf course to rearranging the furniture and dragging an armoire around by myself," she says. "I feel like I'm in control and I can handle anything life throws at me now."

Question the message North America has a multi-billion dollar diet industry, notes Natalie Beausoleil, an associate professor of social science and health at Memorial University in St. John's, Nfld., and co-founder of the Body Image Network. "You need to ask yourself who is benefiting from promoting one ideal body size."

Moderate the highs and lows Of course you're thrilled when, after working hard at eating well and being active, the waistband of your jeans is looser. But by the same token, how do you not feel cranky when nothing happens the next week?
"I do make a face when the weight is not coming off," admits Tea Davidson, a homemaker in Montreal, who is part way through her weight loss journey. "But I don't beat myself up. I get back on track and I try a new activity. And If I don't lose those last 20 pounds, so what?" she says.
"This lifestyle is rewarding in and of itself. I can show my kids how to ski now; I go Latin dancing with my husband. That's what my happy weight means to me."